What is Masking?
Masking (also called camouflaging) is the conscious or unconscious suppression of autistic traits to appear neurotypical. It's the exhausting performance of "normal" that many autistic people learn to survive in a world not designed for us.
Masking includes:
- Suppressing stims — Forcing yourself to sit still, not flap, not rock
- Scripting interactions — Memorizing phrases and responses for social situations
- Forcing eye contact — Even when it's uncomfortable or distracting
- Hiding sensory distress — Pretending the noise or lights don't bother you
- Mirroring others — Copying body language, tone, and expressions
- Hiding special interests — Not talking about what you're passionate about
Masking often isn't a choice
Many autistic people learn to mask in childhood as a survival mechanism—before they even know they're autistic. It becomes automatic, making it hard to know where the mask ends and you begin.
Why We Mask
Safety and survival
Visible autistic traits can trigger bullying, discrimination, or worse. Masking can be a rational response to real danger. In some contexts, it's genuinely protective.
Social acceptance
Being visibly different often means being excluded. Masking is an attempt to access the social connection and belonging that humans need.
Professional necessity
Many workplaces punish autistic traits even when they don't affect job performance. Masking becomes necessary for employment and financial survival.
Internalized ableism
When you're told your whole life that your natural way of being is wrong, you start to believe it. Masking becomes an attempt to fix yourself.
The Costs of Masking
Masking isn't free. It exacts a significant toll:
The price we pay
The masking paradox
Successful masking is often punished with more expectations. If people can't see your struggles, they assume you don't have any—and the support you need becomes even harder to access.
Unmasking: A Gradual Process
Unmasking isn't about dramatically revealing yourself. It's a gradual process of rediscovering and accepting who you are—and choosing when and where it's safe to let more of yourself show.
Start with awareness
Notice when you're masking. What triggers it? What parts of yourself are you hiding? What does it feel like in your body when you're performing versus when you're relaxed?
Create safe spaces
Unmasking everywhere at once isn't realistic or safe. Start with spaces where the cost of being yourself is lowest—alone, with trusted people, or in autistic community spaces.
Rediscover your stims
Many late-diagnosed autistics have suppressed their natural movements so long they've forgotten what their body wants to do. Give yourself permission to move, rock, flap—alone at first if needed.
Honor your sensory needs
Stop pretending things don't bother you. Wear sunglasses indoors. Leave events early. Say no to overwhelming environments. Your comfort matters.
Let special interests out
Talk about what you're passionate about. With safe people, let yourself infodump. Your enthusiasm isn't too much—it's part of what makes you you.
When to Keep the Mask
This isn't about masking being universally bad. Sometimes it's necessary and strategic:
- In genuinely unsafe situations where being visibly autistic creates real risk
- At work until you can assess the safety of disclosure
- With people who have shown they can't be trusted with your full self
The goal isn't to never mask again. It's to make masking a choice rather than a compulsion, and to reduce it enough that you can recover and maintain your wellbeing.
You Deserve to Be Known
Masking steals something precious: the chance to be truly known and loved as you are. It replaces genuine connection with performance, and genuine rest with constant vigilance.
Unmasking is scary because it risks rejection. But it also opens the door to something better: relationships where you don't have to perform, spaces where you can breathe, and a sense of self that isn't fragmented by pretense.